


to live without a plan

by orphan_account



Category: VIXX
Genre: Blow Jobs, Denial of Feelings, First Time, Frottage, It Ain't That Deep - freeform, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Questioning, there's some slight questioning and then there's porn and then there's feelings in that order okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-04 22:57:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12781446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jaehwan shoves Wonshik's thigh again. It bounces up and falls back open limply. "You have to let me suck your dick," Jaehwan demands.Wonshik does not open his eyes. He does, however, tug his earbuds out, brow furrowing. "Pardon?" he asks. Surely he misheard."Let me suck your dick," Jaehwan repeats, more shrilly. Insistent. His hand jostles Wonshik's thigh again in punctuation.





	to live without a plan

**Author's Note:**

> Have this smutty (I originally typed "snummty," so that’s the kind of content you can expect here) practice run for a bigger Ravi Identity Crisis Fic that I hope to complete in the future. 
> 
> This is the latest in a series of porn fics which I’ve loosely titled “Wonshik reminds himself he’s not gay and then proceeds to do some gay shit."

Wonshik is napping on his bed, earbuds in, thighs splayed open. He hasn't been there long, but Wonshik sleeps like it's keeping him in royalties. He doesn't stir when Jaehwan stomps into the bedroom, door swinging loudly shut behind him, and he doesn't stir when Jaehwan whines, " _Rrrrrravi_ ," plaintively, high-pitched and meant to annoy.

He does lift an unimpressed eyebrow when Jaehwan shoves at one of his thighs roughly. "Wonshikkie," Jaehwan tries again, drawling out the final vowel petulantly. "Open your eyes."

Wonshik's eyebrow settles back into its original neutral expression. He doesn't move otherwise.

"Why would I do that?" Wonshik mumbles, shifting slightly to a more comfortable sleeping position. "'M sleeping."

Jaehwan shoves Wonshik's thigh again. It bounces up and falls back open limply. "You have to let me suck your dick," Jaehwan demands.

Wonshik does not open his eyes. He does, however, tug his earbuds out, brow furrowing. "Pardon?" he asks. Surely he misheard.

"Let me suck your dick," Jaehwan repeats, more shrilly. Insistent. His hand jostles Wonshik's thigh again in punctuation.

Wonshik lifts his eyelids just enough to level a judgmental gaze on Jaehwan. He doesn't look like he's being _funny_ , for whatever definition of funny usually applies to him. He's standing there, arms crossed now, stance defensive, lips pouted out. As he notices Wonshik's eyes on him, he cocks one hip to the side.

Wonshik makes a conscious decision to take the bait. "Why do you want to suck my dick, Jaehwan?" It's the tone as one would use when dealing with an obstreperous kindergartener. It's not sexy at all. Jaehwan's head tilts back as he casts a long-suffering glance at the ceiling.

"I don't _want_ to suck your dick," he explains skyward. "I _have_ to.”

Resigning himself to the interruption of his nap, Wonshik sits up against the head of his bed, rubbing one hand over his face. He finally opens his eyes as far as he cares to, and Jaehwan sways to the other side. "Why do you _have_ to?" Wonshik mocks him, and Jaehwan levels his own gaze on Wonshik.

"Sanghyuk—" And, _Oh, boy, here we go_ , Wonshik thinks. "—saw all of the rejected missions from the last performance in the makeup team's trash bin. So he fished them out and we've been doing them all."

"And yours was to—" Wonshik can't seem to finish the sentence. He gathers himself, because this was patently not how he envisioned his afternoon nap. "Yours was to suck my dick?"

Jaehwan actually has the good grace to twist his lips in embarrassment and exasperation. "No, it was to express how I feel about the members with my body, but Hakyeon laughed at me when I asked him if he'd sleep with me."

The way Jaehwan says this indicates that he thinks he's _explaining_ something and doing a bang-up job of it. Wonshik, for his part, understands all of those words individually. In that order, even. Somewhere between dictionary definitions and processing meaning, though, Wonshik got entirely lost. He's still stuck somewhere between sleeping with Hakyeon and—

"I'm not gay," Wonshik feels the need to point out. "You are...also not gay?" Suddenly, it seems an important question to ask, just for clarity's sake, because the more Jaehwan talks, the more confused Wonshik becomes. Now that he's pointed out how not gay he is, he can tell himself it's not gay to think Jaehwan is _cute_ , so cute, standing there all impatient and pouty.

Jaehwan's answer of, "I suck dick," is a non-answer, meant only to further his goal—apparently, to suck Wonshik's dick. And Wonshik is _not gay_ , he's not, but Jaehwan is _cute_. Wonshik hasn't touched a girl since before his last unit project, and Jaehwan is not only offering, but insisting he be allowed to put his mouth on Wonshik.

There are a lot of points in Wonshik's life where he's forced to say "fuck it" and just go with it. Mics fail. Buses break down. Members break equipment. Members break themselves. There's always a tide of confusion, waves of mounting anxiety, and it all crashes against the cliffs of his indifference. He is un-fluster-able.

He feels very flustered. This isn't a performance, this is Jaehwan standing in front of him right now and his mind racing quickly toward submission. Wonshik is _fond_ of women, their curves and noises and softness, but he's not fundamentally opposed to this... _men_ thing. He's never thought about it in excruciating detail, and certainly not about Jaehwan, who is not as pure as his image would have you believe but is still gorgeous, all generous lips and sharp cheekbones.

They've all done some questionable shit for variety show missions. They have a standing pact to only mention them when drunk. What's one more questionable mission, really?

"Ugh," Wonshik says in conclusion, holding his arms out so Jaehwan can launch himself into them at his own leisure. "I guess. Come here."

Wonshik is man enough to admit to himself when he's utterly _gone_ on someone, and he's been weak to Jaehwan for years. Now, when Jaehwan pumps his fist triumphantly and scrambles onto the bed, crowding up into Wonshik's space, is no exception. Jaehwan is all elbows, floral cologne, and unfairly attractive features this close up.

Immediately, Jaehwan is dipping down to tug at Wonshik's sweatpants, businesslike. "Wonshik," he grumbles, when Wonshik proves to be awkward and uncooperative, not lifting his hips obligingly but shifting away from Jaehwan. His back is against the wall, pillows squished under him.

"Shouldn't we be, like, kissing first? I'm not—" _Hard_ , he never has a chance to say, because Jaehwan huffs and cups the back of Wonshik's head with one hand, pulling him in for a kiss. It's a quick move, impetuous, and Wonshik is still not sure how he got to this point, but Jaehwan's lips are chapstick-slick and plush against Wonshik's. His jaw is sharp where Wonshik's hand moves to rest, eyes slipping shut as they kiss slowly.

And this is nice. Not loins-aflame, fuck-all-day hot, but nice. Jaehwan's mouth is even prettier against Wonshik's, his tongue dragging, undemanding, against Wonshik's lips, his teeth. Jaehwan is on all fours now, hands on either side of Wonshik's hips, his knees between Wonshik's splayed legs. As Wonshik pulls away to breathe, Jaehwan clambers into his lap, sitting astride Wonshik's hips.

He's above Wonshik now, when he leans back in for another kiss. His dorm clothes are too big for him and they drape over his body. He looks formless and delicate, but he's all strong lines where Wonshik's hands wander, flexing over Jaehwan's sharp hips, up the wide plane of his back, gripping at his shoulders.

It's still just _nice_ , though, and Wonshik is more interested in what he wants to be doing right now—which, rather than sleep, has morphed into putting his mouth all over Jaehwan, learning the curves and dips of his body. Jaehwan, for his part, seems to be getting impatient with the slowness of Wonshik's blossoming bisexuality, and so Wonshik makes an executive decision for the good of the group.

He cranes his neck up and pulls Jaehwan's head back, one hand clutching at his hair. Immediately, the tone changes. Wonshik deepens their kiss, pulling Jaehwan to him with that same hand in his hair so that he can lick hotly into Jaehwan's mouth, _taking_. Jaehwan makes a needy, demure noise Wonshik has never heard before, and that. _That_ does something.

Wonshik slides Jaehwan from his lap, reversing their positions, kneeling above Jaehwan and forcing him to tip his head back, one of Wonshik's hands resting at his jaw again as they kiss. Wonshik's blood starts to heat in his veins at the feel of Jaehwan under him. The room is too hot, his loose clothes are suffocating, and Jaehwan arches up so _prettily_ when Wonshik gets his hands under Jaehwan's oversized t-shirt. 

_Fuck_ , but this is a bad idea. For so many reasons, but foremost in Wonshik's mind is the lecture he'll get in a few hours when Hakyeon sees what Wonshik has done to Jaehwan's neck. Jaehwan _whines_ when Wonshik bites and sucks under his jaw, though, and Wonshik wants to hear it over and over. If there just _happens_ to be a trail of bruises which match Wonshik's path down Jaehwan's body, well.

"God _damn_ , Wonshik," Jaehwan breathes, and his hands skim down Wonshik's spine, grab a handful of ass apiece, and _squeeze,_ and Wonshik groans somewhere in the vicinity of Jaehwan's collarbones. " _Jesus_ , this was a great idea." He cants his hips up and Wonshik realizes that Jaehwan is hard, and, shit, _Wonshik_ is hard, he's making out with _Jaehwan_. Wow.

Another realization hits him on the heels of that one, though, which he reveals to Jaehwan on impulse. "I can do better than this," he murmurs as he moves back up to kiss Jaehwan slower, sultry, admitting to himself that yeah, this is hot. He _might_ be a little gay. Jaehwan sucks and bites playfully at Wonshik's tongue, his lips, and Wonshik groans long and low and thinks about Hakyeon's disapproving face and the _lecture_ , God, the _lecture_.

This is going to be _worth_ it. Wonshik will just figure himself out later. If he has to listen to Hakyeon talk about sex and when not to have it and with whom, Wonshik is good and well getting his hands on some quality dick.

Jaehwan moans outright when Wonshik gropes him tentatively, so Wonshik does it again, harder. Jaehwan's head tips back and he _grinds_ up against Wonshik, who shoves his hand down Jaehwan's loose track pants and replicates the gesture. He wants to hear Jaehwan's voice bounce off the walls in new, less-obnoxious ways, and _God_ , he wants his hands full of that ass, so he tugs Jaehwan down the bed and feels him up there, too. He's seen it all before, touched most of it, but never with the goal of drawing out these helpless noises of pleasure.

It adds a new edge to his longstanding sentiment of _Jaehwan is so cute_ —the edge of _I can't believe how aroused I am by that_ —and Wonshik says as much and is promptly bowled over and straddled again.

"You remember, Wonshikkie," Jaehwan pants, doffing his t-shirt and chucking it away, and Wonshik doesn't remember much of anything. "I am— _oh_ —" One of Wonshik's hands comes up to pinch a peaked nipple, and the other returns to Jaehwan's crotch, stroking down to feel all of what Jaehwan's got. Jaehwan ruts against Wonshik's abdomen for a few seconds, lips just barely parted, eyes hooded.

"I am a man on a mission," Jaehwan eventually declares, even though one of his hands is on Wonshik's shoulder for balance and the other is pressing Wonshik's harder to Jaehwan's dick. He grinds down deliberately, dragging his hips along Wonshik's. "What's your excuse now, Wonshikkie?"

Wonshik just curses as Jaehwan repositions himself to kneel between Wonshik's knees. He hooks his fingers in Wonshik's waistband and looks inquisitively up at Wonshik. "Fuck. Yes. Just—" Wonshik lifts his hips now, and Jaehwan yanks impatiently at Wonshik's sweatpants and underwear. He gets them halfway down Wonshik's thighs before he loudly pronounces it good enough and _fuck,_ this is the point of no return.

Jaehwan's doing something magical with his tongue right under the head. Wonshik just wants to watch Jaehwan go down on him, wants to watch the light play off those sharp cheekbones as Jaehwan's forehead crinkles in concentration. _Needs_ , all at once, to tell Jaehwan how it feels as Jaehwan maps out Wonshik's dick with those _lips_ , God, as if he's trying to measure out exactly how much he can take.

"Jaehwan, fuck, you look so good with your mouth on my cock—" His mouth runs parallel to his mind, and he can't stop praising Jaehwan, who soaks it all up, pushes Wonshik's pants further down and grips Wonshik's thighs. His hands. Wonshik's head falls back against his piled-up pillows. He can't look at Jaehwan's hands splayed over the entire span of his inner thighs, because at the same time as he steadies himself there, Jaehwan goes _all the way down_ and Wonshik has to concentrate on his breathing.

He peeks down and immediately closes his eyes again. Jaehwan sets a rhythm, leisurely at first, testing his limits, and then urges Wonshik's hips up to fuck into his mouth at the same time as Jaehwan takes him in. And Wonshik's been taught to meditate, calm himself, focus on the breath, in gentle, out slow, but _fucking shit_ , Jaehwan's face between his legs and those hands, huge and undeniably masculine on his thighs.

Jolts of pleasure spark through him with every flick of Jaehwan's tongue, every new flex of those hands so high on his thighs, every helpless hitch of Wonshik's hips into Jaehwan's eager mouth. He's making these quiet noises of concentration, nearly inaudible under Wonshik's mixed praise and wordless groans. Everything is bright and hot, radiating out from the pooled heat in his gut, and Wonshik might actually exit his body and leave them all without a rapper—

"Jaehwan, I'm, ah, close—" he manages, and Jaehwan goes down and stays there, and Wonshik fists a hand in his hair just so that he has something tethering him to the mortal plane as he shudders and comes down Jaehwan's throat.

And _oh_ , that's good. Points for technical brilliance, certainly, but a bonus for catapulting Wonshik so thoroughly into the realm of bisexuality. He's truly an artist with siege weaponry. His aim was dead-on. He pulls off and keeps lapping at Wonshik until Wonshik squirms and makes a low, drawn-out noise of protest, then flops himself forward to plant his lips on Wonshik's.

He tastes like skin and salt where Wonshik licks languidly into his mouth, and Wonshik kicks one leg of his sweats off so he can wrap it around Jaehwan's waist. Jaehwan is still hard where his hips drag against Wonshik's half-clothed thigh. "Come on, Jaehwan," Wonshik urges, pushing at Jaehwan's waistband, and Jaehwan lifts himself enough to rip his track pants away and comes back naked.

After such a rousing performance, though, Wonshik honestly can't be arsed to feel anything but turned on. Jaehwan kisses Wonshik again and Wonshik grabs Jaehwan's ass, encouraging him as he rubs off on Wonshik's thigh. "So pretty," he murmurs when Jaehwan pitches forward, pressing his brow to Wonshik's. Wonshik rubs his hand through the precum dripping onto his skin, gets slick fingers around the head of Jaehwan's dick as he ruts against Wonshik. Jaehwan whimpers his name. Wonshik is so _thoroughly_ fucked.

 "Come on, Jaehwan," he says again. "Wanna see how pretty you are when you're coming." He moves his hand down, tightens it a bit, and Jaehwan moans. "Wanna watch you fall apart."

"Jesus, Wonshik, shut _up—_ " Jaehwan begs, but his hips move fast and frantic against Wonshik until he hisses in a long breath and stills. His breath is shaky as he exhales, like he's been told to keep quiet, and it's wet and warm and absolutely fucking gross. He moves after a short moment, tiny little motions like he's riding Wonshik through it, and then he clambers off of Wonshik and staggers toward Sanghyuk's nightstand.

"I know—the maknae keeps—" he mutters as he rummages in a drawer. "Who the _fuck_ needs this many Yu-Gi-Oh cards—" Sanghyuk's dirty anime girl trading cards end up in a pile on his bed as Jaehwan wrests free a packet of wet wipes. He tugs one out and swipes at the mess on his thighs, tosses the pack in Wonshik's general direction.

His own thigh is looking a bit obscene, and so Wonshik remedies that situation. "You did a good job of—" he starts, and then decides that praising Jaehwan's ability to lick all the cum off of Wonshik is a bit beyond the pale. "Everything," he finishes lamely, and Jaehwan dumps all of Sanghyuk's possessions unceremoniously back into the drawer, fishing out a tube of chapstick and rubbing it liberally over his lips.

Jaehwan pulls his clothes back on hastily. "If Hongbin comes in here and asks you to watch him impersonate Hanzo in any context, tell him no so I can get a point on him." With that, Jaehwan winks, dramatic and exaggerated, and slips out of the bedroom.

And this, this is the chaos Wonshik had longed to escape. There's faint screeching in the distance. It sounds like Sanghyuk. He sighs, pops his earbuds back in. The soothing bars of Drake drown out whatever the hell is going on in the dorm proper. Wonshik rearranges his pillows and tugs his blankets up over himself, cocooning himself against any light. Closes his eyes and reclaims his naptime and _doesn't think about_ the magnitude of his impending identity crisis.

***

It turns out that his cocoon is only effective if he stays inside. Once he surfaces to breathe, it admits enough light to jar him. More importantly, when he fidgets with the blanket to re-seal it, his earbuds depart, along with Drake, and he's abruptly forced to admit that he may have a larger problem on his hands.

"I turned the lights on five minutes ago."

Hakyeon, standing in the doorway, arms akimbo. Wonshik grunts in acknowledgement.

"It's nearly dinnertime." Wonshik huffs and throws himself down onto his mattress. "I was going to get banana milk down the street. Walk with me?"

When Hakyeon asks you to go somewhere with him in preparation for a meal, it's always best to acquiesce with good grace. "Sure," Wonshik slurs. "Lemme just—" His t-shirt hits him in the bit of face he's still got out of the blankets. "Thanks."

They make a nice pair, Hakyeon in his ever-present professional armor, Wonshik in his shirt, sweats, and Nike slides with socks. They walk along quietly for a bit, masks a thin barrier between them and the world, and then the other shoe drops.

"My concealer is too dark for Jaehwan. He'd just look more bruised if he used it. It was nice of him to ask, though." Apologies trip over one another, piling up right behind Wonshik's lips. Hakyeon doesn't even have to _try_ , after so long. "Taekwoon had some that was pretty serviceable. Everyone who sees—hopefully not a lot of people—will just assume it was some girl he's been in a musical with."

Hakyeon grabs Wonshik’s hand, tugs him to a stop. Sits Wonshik down on a low terrace, dangerously close to falling into a planter. Plops down next to him, tugs down his mask, and oh, boy, Wonshik's in for it. Hakyeon pulls Wonshik's hand into his lap, covering it with both of his. "You know," Hakyeon cautiously begins, "that we have a rule. And the problem here isn't that you broke it. Because I'm not technically sure you did." His lips press into a frown limned in streetlight.

"The problem is that you left evidence. You were clumsy about it. Jaehwan was wearing a big hoodie, hiding his neck. He asked me for stronger concealer. You were nowhere to be seen. And I'd," he laughs, "just told him no, a bit earlier." Hakyeon shakes his head, fond, and stands. He urges Wonshik to his feet as well, brushing invisible dust from Wonshik's shoulders, patting him into place. "Be more careful, next time."

Wonshik reaches out and puts Hakyeon's mask to rights. "That's it?"

Hakyeon's eyes cut to the side. When he speaks, he's very quiet. "You know the rules. As well as I do, probably. You fucked someone. You fucked a guy. Once. It won't get out. And as long as it doesn't, I'm not going to punish you. I'm not going to save you from the other members, because you brought that on yourself, but...you've probably got enough on your mind as it is."

"I'm sorry," Wonshik tries, and Hakyeon's mask shifts in a way that means he's frowning again. Something awful twists in Wonshik's heart, carefully cultivated over half a decade in each other's company.

"Did you have fun? Did you learn something?" Hakyeon's two seminal questions, whenever any of them got into trouble.

"Yes."

"Then don't apologize," Hakyeon answers, practically didactic. "As long as it doesn't affect the group dynamic, it's a fixed point. No use lingering on it."

They walk on, absorbed in their own thoughts, but Hakyeon keeps Wonshik's hand in his coat pocket, warm fingers between Wonshik's chasing out the worried tremble. Later, he'll deal with Jaehwan's screaming that it was for a mission, Sanghyuk's unholy glee as he stops between bedroom and kitchen, Hongbin's clumsy reassurances. Taekwoon won't care, really, unless it suddenly changes Wonshik's work ethic.

For now, Wonshik is loaded down with banana milk, watching Hakyeon's silhouette shift in the light of streetlamps and storefronts.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](http://twitter.com/slowlorisvevo)
> 
> [tumblr](http://rapjoonhyung.tumblr.com)


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